Yep. We're expecting! Another baby! Our THIRD!! Kind of still in shock and not entirely sure it's real, except that the home test was immediately and undeniably positive, oh yeah, and I've seen it twice on ultrasound - strong heartbeat, growing like crazy and everything. Luckily I didn't go a whole pregnancy without figuring it out, but it was 9 weeks!
And it probably would have been longer if we hadn't been going through a couple of boxes - getting ready to get rid of all of our baby stuff at a yard sale! Anyway, I came across an unused pregnancy test, and the thought just hit me - what if that's why I've been feeling "off" lately? I hadn't been feeling good for a month or more, but just attributed it to my general poor health, maybe my thyroid meds needed adjusting, I needed to get more exercise, whatever... really hadn't paid a whole lot of attention yet, but knew something was going on. Even when I saw the test and had that thought, I NEVER - in a million years - really thought it could be possible. We tried for years to get pregnant, and were afraid we'd never have one child! Finally, with fertility assistance over a period of years, lots of financial and emotional stress, we were blessed with two amazing kids. Our family was whole. Or so we thought... ;-)
Then I found that test. I just set it aside, because obviously that couldn't really be going on, but for some reason that "what if" just kept pestering me in the back of my mind. We continued prepping baby stuff to sell, but the next day I went back for the pregnancy test. Couldn't hurt to try it. Obviously it would be negative, but it's here. Why not. Well, yeah. It was immediately obviously positive! I'd never seen a test result like it! With fertility issues, every other time I'd tested had been early, and I'd end up waiting with a timer, squinting at the test, holding it up to the light at different angles... is that a line? Is it not a line? Hubby, what does this look like to you? Etc... This was absolutely not like that. There was NO question what this test was telling me.
And I panicked. I think I started hyperventilating. So many things went through my head. What would hubby say?? How would we afford another kid? Where would we put another kid in this house? How did this even happen? I had major complications with both of my previous pregnancies and deliveries, and was pretty much told not to try again! What if the health complications were worse? What if... What if this was not the right choice for our family? Things were going to get crazy. Things are going to get crazy. What if it's not real? What if it is real?
So I called my doctor, and within a couple of hours, I was looking at an ultrasound image on a screen. And it was not a little tiny blob like we'd always seen at our early ultrasounds (with fertility assistance, ultrasounds came early and often). This looked like a baby already! I could see a head, arms, legs... and there was a heartbeat! A heartbeat! Already! Then she said it - "9 weeks." NINE weeks?? I'd been pregnant for a couple of months already, and had no clue! It was real. It is real. So doc gave me a few minutes to hyperventilate again and then calm down a bit, and she reassured me that this could work. It would be ok. I'm high-risk, yes, but I was with the others too. They will monitor everything closely, and we'll make this work.
So I went home. for several days, hubby and I just kept looking at each other and saying "three?" THREE??! How were we going to do this? We both had the "deer-in-headlights" look most of the time for a few days. Neither of us ever imagined our family including 3 kids. Three car seats. And more than likely, this one will be born before our daughter turns 2 - do we need a double stroller? Are we going to need a second high chair? Two in diapers at the same time?? Ack!! Someone's going to have to share a room - how will that work?
Oh, and then there's the timing. My due date is January 28. Our others were both born 6 or 7 weeks early, so more than likely it will be sometime in December. Our son is the end of November, and our daughter is January. And now another in December. Oh yeah, and there's Christmas in there... Less than two months - three birthdays and Christmas. Really? We couldn't at least spread it out a little??
Now it's been a couple of weeks, I've seen baby on ultrasound again and he/she is growing perfectly and heart is still beating strong. So I'm over 11 weeks now. And it's still real! I'm not hyperventilating any more, but I still have occasional moments of anxiety (ok panic...). And I definitely feel too old for this most days. But we're happy! And excited! And somehow we'll make it work! Still not sure of all the details... and we're a little (or a lot) worried about making the switch from one-on-one to zone defense... but plenty of parents are outnumbered and figure out how to keep control, right? Right??
For whatever reason, this was apparently meant to be. So here we are, and here we go! I still have no doubt things are going to get crazy, but we're ready for this adventure! We are blessed, and thankful!
